dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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