Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
