best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
