We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
pray to the hookup gods
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
