I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do herpes really smell.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
