Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
