Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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