I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
