you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
