Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
