splinters make it hard to masturbate
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
