Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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