Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
