What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
