Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
