is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
