There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".