Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.