dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
