You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out