I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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