Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
