I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You're a waste of cheezeits
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
