Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
