My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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