no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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