Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wear drunk well.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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