I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
