the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
