So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
