Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
