She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
