I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
