Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
