Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize