I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
