But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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