I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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