Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.