So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
