Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.