I wannas sexs uuuuu
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.