physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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