dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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