When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
