I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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