3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
