You're so nebulous sometimes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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