My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
