i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
