Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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