update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
