she was so not down for the gang bang
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
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My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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