all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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