there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
