And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
