I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
