My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
