I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
