he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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