I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
