The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize