I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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