I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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