On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
