He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
