i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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