If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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