I'm jealous of your bromance
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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