Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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