can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
