you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
