just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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