So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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