yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Text me some of your sweat
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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