I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
