ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
