Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
