Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
