Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
a search helicopter?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
