How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
